


If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go

by softlvs



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, Drug Use, M/M, Misunderstandings, Polyamory Negotiations, Vampires, cheating but not? really?, everyone are vampires but in SPACE, gay space opera, lots of talking, so are youngjo and junhee, the rest of ateez are briefly mentioned, yeosang almost m words someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:41:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24611695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlvs/pseuds/softlvs
Summary: Yeosang, in his five hundred years of living with Seonghwa, never did drugs or drank alcohol. After they broke up, Yeosang now has all the knowledge on how to get a vampire high despite the lack of a functioning organ system in them. It's not something he's proud of because of what it implies but Yeosang has found that he gives no fucks for what people may say or think about him like this.
Relationships: Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 9
Kudos: 110
Collections: Wayward





	If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go

**Author's Note:**

> hello, welcome to this monstor of a fic. It was supposed to be 5k words but here we are.. 20k later... well i hope this makes you cry :D because :D it :D made :D me :D cry :D so :D many :D times :D
> 
> (new title from wherever you will go by the calling, the old one was thrown away...because reasons) (pls listen to sad playlist/instrumental song fro max feels)

This is possibly the thirtieth person Yeosang is about to bed. Possibly the three hundredth. Who cares right? Yeosang bitterly pushes the lithe and tall boy into the bed, putting little care into stretching him, and even little care in fucking him. When he closes his eyes he can imagine that he is fucking Seonghwa. It doesn’t just fucking hurt, it feels like his heart is pulled out and slowly,  _ oh so slowly _ crushed and then put back in his chest. It's been what? A year? More? Since he and Seonghwa broke their nearly five hundred year old relationship. Yeosang doesn't know how long it has been, He doesn't like keeping count of it. However he still imagines Seonghwa in every stranger he picks at dingy, dirty clubs or bars. He still can’t cum without imagining it is Seonghwa. He quickens his thrusts, fucking the human boy at an inhuman pace and the boys whines and screams barely register in his drug addled mind. 

He finishes in the stranger and then the tall boy is in his lap offering his neck up. Yeosang bites down hard and doesn't let up till the boy is nearly limp and lifeless. He's not dead so it'll be fine. He will recover. Yeosang heals the bite, tucks him into bed and leaves. 

He leaves like he left hundreds behind him. Leaves like he left Seonghwa. Sneaking away In the middle of the night like a thief. He hadn’t even graced Seonghwa with a break up note in his frustration and the pure need to get away from him. And what even would he write in it? How do you even break up a 500 year old relationship?

(by running away according to Yeosang’s brilliant mind) 

He grits his teeth, pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind, and focuses on the adrenaline rush that riding through the night on his bike gives. He reaches the hotel he's staying in, checks out, and then flies off to a different planet. He doesn’t like staying after a feed and fuck. 

* * *

  
  


The next time he goes out is a week later; dressed in shorts, a mesh black top and a leather jacket carelessly thrown on his shoulders. His face is beaten with makeup to perfection and the lipgloss on his lips tastes like strawberry. It is,  _ it was, _ one of Seonghwa's favourite things about Yeosang. 

(Yeosang has come to hate it despite it being one of his favorite things once too.) 

He feels oddly shaky and tired, in a way he hasn’t felt since he was human and warm blood pumped by his heart circulated through his body. He isn’t nervous, there is nothing to be nervous about here, so he doesn’t get why he feels like this. Maybe the blood he consumed last time the fed was bad? But it doesn’t seem too likely, considering when he drank it, it had tasted fine and the boy too had smelt good and disease free. He decides to ignore it and hopes that it will go away after his next feed. 

Yeosang easily gets entry into the club despite not having the proper paperwork for it. He only bothered to get the galaxy’s ID but even that was janky work. However, the bouncer checking it pays it no mind. A perk of being a vampire he supposes, no one says no to them after all unless they’re looking for death. The club is loud and packed despite it being a working day. Aliens, non humans and humans alike are packed to the brim and Yeosang is barely able to work his way through the crowd without getting crushed by the excited crowd to the bar which isn’t as packed as the dance floor is. 

A quick few words with the bartender whose ears are just a little more pointed than a human’s and skin that subtly changes colors every minute or so and he figures out who is selling what he needs. He still ends up drowning a glass of some earthen alcohol (the bartender called it sex on the beach. Yeosang doesn’t care about the name but he loves that it is strong enough to burn his dead tongue) which is apparently on the house since the bartender likes him so much. Yeosang thanks him and then makes his way to the pod leading to the second floor. The VIP floor. Again, he is not questioned and easily let up, dumbfounding an alien who had been trying to get up there since the past ten minutes. The pod security winks at him and Yeosang gives him a sweet smile but as the pod goes up he turns around and rolls his eyes. 

Yeosang, in his five hundred years of living with Seonghwa, never did drugs or drank alcohol. After they broke up, Yeosang now has all the knowledge on how to get a vampire high despite the lack of a functioning organ system in them. It's not something he's proud of because of what it implies but Yeosang has found that he gives no fucks for what people may say or think about him like this. 

(The drinking and getting high helps him forget. Helps him forget the way his heart feels like a bottomless pit of sorrow, helps him forget his anger and his need to run back to Seonghwa. He gets why humans do this now, be so destructive with their bodies, it helps forget, help hide the pain and makes him feel happy and good even if it’s for a few seconds)

He locates the drug dealer in the club easily, hidden in a corner table of the VIP floor and buys five bags of Delirium. Then he gets a private booth for thirty minutes and injects it into the foreign blood running through his veins and feels the high hitting in a few minutes of it. 

Yeosang pushes his way into the dance floor below the VIP floor, allows himself to be groped in inappropriate ways, talked to like a whore, and does his own fair share of talking back. It’s exhilarating to do this, there's no Seonghwa here to frown at him unapproving (there is in the corner of his head but in his high he can ignore it). At the end of the night he picks another tall lithe man to take home. (He ignores that that's the only kind of people he fucks. The ones whose figures or faces remind him of Seonghwa) The man fucks him this time but it's not good. It’s not as good as it would be with Seonghwa. 

It has never been good or satisfying with anyone else other than Seonghwa and his coven but Yeosang would rather die than admit it. And instead of feeling good he feels worse, body aching and hurting in an odd manner, a tiredness seeping into his bones and refusing to leave. He ignores it again, hoping it will get better on its own. He doesn’t have insurance and most doctors aren’t equipped to deal with Vampires. Maybe it's the city? He has been feeling this way since he came to the city. 

He leaves, yet again but since he doesn’t have the strength to fly to a whole different galaxy, he goes to the next city over. He doesn't check or care what its name is. It's just another city with glass buildings showing off technological advancements and powers, with a diverse crowd of humans, non humans and aliens walking around. There’s barely any difference between this city and the last hundred or so he has visited and the only thing he cares to check about it is that it’s far away from home. 

No, not home. 

He doesn't know what his home is anymore. He doesn't have a home anymore. Yeosang’s home used to be where Seonghwa was. Now that Seonghwa is no more in his life, he doesn't have a home anymore. 

He lies in the bed of the suite he booked for the night. Sleep isn't something vampires need to indulge in but Yeosang finds that sleep is the only thing that provides him some clarity in life. But sleep, like so many other things, doesn't come easy to Yeosang anymore. He lies in bed and allows himself to think about Seonghwa. About how Seonghwa would hold him, treating Yeosang as if he is made of fragile glass. How he would kiss him, treat him oh so delicately, soft press of lips against his, so careful that he doesn’t bruise Yeosang’s lips, so careful that it hurt. How he would take him, how he would whisper I love you when they reach their climaxes into the heated air. How Seonghwa would worship him, press butterfly kisses on every inch of his skin, neverending praises that fell from his lips like a waterfall about Yeosang with each kiss, how good he is for Seonghwa, how beautiful he is, how Seonghwa was the luckiest person in the galaxy to get the chance to make love to Yeosang and be  _ his _ . Yeosang allows himself to think about how much he misses that, misses him. 

Yeosang misses Seonghwa. He misses him like he missed air when he was turned. Seonghwa was his oxygen, his life force. He was what made Yesoang feel alive and awake. To Yeosang, there was no Yeosang without a Seonghwa.

Yeosang wonders where everything went wrong. A pretty face with striking red hair flashes through his head and he grits his teeth. 

Yeosang knows where it went wrong. He knew it from the day Seonghwa had come home with the name of an unfamiliar person on his lips. He knew it when Seonghwa bought the vampire home and looked at him with stars in his eyes. It wasn't even a human, it was a vampire, a vampire older than them both, an ancient vampire who had been sleeping for some five hundred years. 

Kim Hongjoong. 

That's where everything went wrong. 

Seonghwa didn't talk to Yeosang properly in the last few months before Yeosang left. Everytime he opened his mouth it was to talk about the shorter male much to Yeosang’s frustration. Seonghwa barely even slept with him. He stayed away for longer periods of time from the coven, something which he had never done before. 

Whenever he was questioned by the coven as to where he was going or what he was upto, he would get a dreamy smile on his face and say it was something important, that he would inform them about it later. Yeosang sometimes wanted to punch it off Seonghwa’s face but he let him be. It wasn’t fair that Yeosang was getting so jealous over Seonghwa finding a friend outside the coven. Yeosang mistakenly thought that he was getting jealous over nothing. And even if Seonghwa was going out with the boy, ideally speaking it shouldn’t be a problem. They had agreed to keep their relationship open, and it was okay for either one of them to find a partner outside the coven if they so wished.

Then he started bringing him over and if Yeosang had met Hongjoong under any other circumstances, he's sure he would have loved him. However as things stood, Yeosang resented him from the first meeting. The smaller one was so perfect, he fit against Seonghwa so much better than Yeosang ever did. He even helped Seonghwa guide the coven, helped him lead them better than Yeosang ever had, and spoiled all of them with gifts and credits. 

It seemed that everyone except Yeosang loved Hongjoong. Even Wooyoung; who was prickly with strangers; loved Hongjoong from the first meeting. Yeosang quickly realised he didn’t have anyone within his coven or in other friends who would share his feelings about Hongjoong so he kept his mouth shut. 

Seonghwa and Yeosang fought a lot during that time. So much so that it started affecting the coven. Everyone walked on eggshells around them because anything could start them off. Both he and Seonghwa had vicious tempers despite their gentle natures if the situation called for it. 

Once Yeosang didn't feed for a week in anger and Seonghwa nearly knocked him out for it. Seonghwa had never in his life raised his fist against Yeosang before that incident and both were equally as horrified by it. He had apologized and made up to him for it but that memory still leaves a sour taste in his mouth. 

Yeosang can't even remember most of the fights. They were the nastiest words they could think of, thrown at each other; the worst things anyone could say to them, said by the two lovers to each other. They cut deep because they knew each other the most, they knew what hurt the other the worst and they weren’t afraid to bring that out in their petty anger.

Yeosang, however, never brought his issues with Hongjoong up even once during the fights. Despite his anger at the ancient, he didn't deserve it. It wasn’t his fault that Seonghwa and the whole coven was enamoured with him. He thinks that Seonghwa knew though because Seonghwa knew everything that made Yeosang tick and vice versa. 

The last straw was when Yeosang saw Seonghwa fuck Hongjoong in the study. It was so intimate, and so beautiful, Yeosang wanted to shatter it with his bare hands. He wanted to rip them away from each other and keep Seonghwa for himself, he wanted to hurt Hongjoong the way Yeosang had been hurt, he.. he wanted to do so many things, anger running hot in his veins at that moment, but Yeosang didn’t go through with any of them. 

He was tired, tired of this, tired of Seonghwa being in love with Hongjoong, tired of his feelings being hurt repeatedly by Seonghwa, tired of the fights with Seonghwa, tired of Hongjoong’s pretty eyes looking at him with utmost trust, tired of himself and the way he was stupidly allowing himself to get hurt by this situation.

Yeosang, instead of yelling or bringing attention to himself like he wanted to, went quietly to their bedroom, waited for nightfall, then took a few of his belongings, some cash and his interspace ID. He had shut his console off and left it in a ditch somewhere. He bought a new console under a new name, a new bike which Yeosang had always wanted but hadn't bought because of Seonghwa's disapproval of bikes and then had gotten out of the galaxy entirely. All of that had happened in less than an hour and no one had been none the wiser of his actions. 

Since then, he has been always moving, travelling from one planet to another, one galaxy to another. He avoids planets or galaxies where acquaintances or friends he knew lived, avoids galaxies and planets where people who would alert Seonghwa and his coven about his whereabouts lived. 

He thinks that the night he left Seonghwa, the night he left the only home he knew, he left his heart behind among other things in the coven house. That can be the only explanation as to why he still can't get over Seonghwa even though it has been a year or few. Why he still longs to lie in the comfort of his lover's arms, hell to even to lie in the comfort of the arms of his coven members. 

He wonders what Seonghwa would do if he saw Yeosang like this. He snorts, the answer is very obvious. If Seonghwa was here, if it was the Seonghwa before he met Hongjoong, he would scold the younger male. He would gently bath the Yeosang and dress him in his clothes claiming he liked it when Yeosang smells like him, likes the way Yeosang’s slightly shorter frame drowns in his clothes. He would probably sing if Yeosang so asked.

Yeosang's thoughts also take him to Kim Hongjoong(as they do whenever he thinks of Seonghwa). He allows himself to admit it, allows himself for the first time since he met Hongjoong, that maybe, just maybe, Yeosang is a bit in love with Hongjoong too and maybe, that's why it hurt more, maybe that's why every time he reminisces about Seonghwa he would remember Hongjoong too, maybe that is why, his heart is still hurting. 

How could he not fall in love with the ancient? He was perfect in all ways Yeosang wasn’t. He was beautiful, physically and mentally. He was kind to Yeosang despite probably knowing of his anger towards him. He was the strict and angry to Seonghwa’s gentle and patient and the coven realised that was what they needed. He was perfect in every sense of the word. 

Yeosang could never,  _ can never be _ , a perfect partner to either Hongjoong or Seonghwa and that realization has tears slipping out of his eyes. He allows himself to properly grieve and mourn his relationship for the first time after leaving home, allows himself to remember all the things he loved about them rather than the bad, allows himself to miss them for once. 

He remembers the coven, remembers Wooyoung and San and their infectious smiles and energy, remembers the sweet giants Yunho and Mingi and their gentle love and devotion to each other and to them. They weren’t the biggest coven out there but they were strong and devoted. They made do by themselves. Until Hongjoong came along anyways. 

Selfish. Yeosang feels selfish. He ran away from them, and for what? A broken heart? Wasn’t that pathetic. What would they say, he wonders, what would they think if they say him like this? So reckless and so broken. He wants them back, wants to go back to them, wants to listen to Wooyoung’s screams, to San’s hugs and affection, to Yunho’s wide puppy eyes and to Mingi’s stupid jokes. He wants to go home but he also had managed to fracture his relationships with them. 

He had fought with Wooyoung and had yelled at Yunho to fuck off. He had left San confused and angry in a shopping complex when San had tried to bring up his anger issues. He had also yelled at Mingi till the younger hybrid had cried. 

He had fucked up so badly, fucked everything up. Not only had he neglected his duties, he had also fought and created so much tension within the coven. They were probably doing better off without him. 

He wonders what they think happened to him. Maybe they think Yeosang is dead. That would be for the best anyways right? That way they could move on from him. 

The realisation shatters him. They have probably moved on from him right? They have probably forgotten about him and he should too right? Then why can’t he? Why can’t he find happiness and stability outside of them? Why does he miss them, night after night, day after day and weep like a child when he remembers their memories? Why, when fucking strangers, the only one on his mind is Seonghwa? 

He curls up under the blankets, feeling broken from the inside, his body and soul tired, and his eyes leaking tears he couldn’t stop no matter how much he wants them to. 

Yeosang cries himself to sleep. 

* * *

The next morning Yeosang wakes up feeling emptier than he has felt in a while. Perhaps a little lighter too; it seems like crying really did help but he vows to never allow that to happen again. He spends the day lazing around in bed, watching some shitty drama on the large ceiling to floor tv; having no strength or the want to go and explore the city. He feels a strange sort of tiredness seeping into his bones, unwilling to leave and making itself home there. Yeosang pays it no mind, thinking it's his total lack of care for it or his previous feed being inadequate. 

(Vampire’s bodies also do give up on their masters at times, contrary to popular belief of them being invincible. It’s not a frequent occurrence in their kind, but if you have been as reckless with your body as Yeosang has been recently, then it is completely normal, and in fact expected, for it to give up on you and result in a Sleep.)

He waits for nightfall, then snorts a line of Delirium and heads out. He hasn’t put much thought into his club outfit today; he is looking to get in and then out with someone who looks like a good feed and a good lay. 

He reaches the club in no time, finds it easily tucked between two seedy looking bars. It's not the best place he can be at, but he won't be recognized here. He finds a lay easily, everyone in the club unable to take their eyes off him since he entered and anyone would be a fool to say no. This time the boy is smaller than him, and looks so delicate in Yeosang’s hands; Yeosang feels a need to break him. The high is slowly hitting him and he stumbles a bit as he walks to the bathroom, the boy laughing behind him at something, probably the way he’s walking like a newborn fawn. The sound is irritating and grating in his ears. He wants to shut him up, so that's exactly what he does.He is pushing the boy inside the bathroom, a hand getting a handkerchief he had stashed away in a pocket and balling it up, shoving it inside the boy’s mouth.

“Don’t spit it out.” Yeosang warns and the boy nods, eyes wide. 

His brain has turned fuzzy and his thoughts are calm as he pushes the boy onto the bathroom counter and then tugs his pants down. He works the boy open carelessly, doesn’t hear the boy’s pained whines or smell his pained arousal. The drug works wonders to dull his senses and it's how he prefers it. 

Then he is pulling out of his own jeans, still soft, working himself up with a few quick strokes and pushing into the small human with no warning. The boy is crying and shaking and Yeosang slows a bit. When the human gives a go ahead in the form of grinding his hips against Yeosang’s dick, he starts fucking him with no mercy. In his high he thinks he hears a few groans and he thinks they’re his but he isn’t too sure. 

When he looks down at the human, he finds himself face to face with Hongjoong instead, and a cruel anger fills his veins. He pulls out of the human with no warning and then fists a hand in his hair, pulling his head back and exposing the pale unmarked column, easily locates the pulsing carotid artery, carelessly bites into it, and starts drinking. He doesn’t care for the taste, for the human’s muffled screams or the way the human’s nails are digging into his shoulders. His fingers tighten around the human’s neck, cutting off the human’s airway, not caring for the way the human goes limp in his hold. 

He doesn’t care for anything, except the constant chant of kill, kill, kill going through his head. 

In his haze and anger, he doesn’t notice someone bursting into the bathroom after hearing the pained muffled screams of the boy in his arms and smelling an alarming amount of iron in the air. Suddenly, he is rudely torn away from the boy and thrown across the room into the wall. He feels the tiles crack and blood seep down his head from the impact, but it’s not too bad, the pain is nothing for a vampire like him. 

He does feel himself sober up, partly from the shock of being thrown against the wall and partly from the blood he has drunk. He smells the stranger who so rudely threw him away before he can see him and freezes in shock. He can’t ever be mistaken in recognizing the person this scent belongs to, he can never forget what Kim Hongjoong smells like. How is Kim Hongjoong here? This galaxy is far, far away from home, thousands of lightyears apart, not to mention having one of the worst reputations out there, of being one of the most known crime hubs of the universe. What is Kim Hongjoong doing here of all places?   
  


He looks up to confirm it( even though the scent should be enough to tell him who it was, but yet, just in case he’s wrong, just in case it’s not Hongjoong but someone with an eerily similar scent to his) and finds the bathroom empty, both the boy and Hongjoong gone. 

The realization of what he has done hits him and he feels all his previous anger disappear. Dread and disgust overcomes him and disappointment fills his nerves. How could he do that? If Yeosang was still a human, he would probably be going through a panic attack. He feels like sinking his claws into his chest and digging his heart out with his own hand.

He is a monster, isn’t he? For all the arguments about how vampires aren’t monsters, for all the talk of how Yeosang is an angel-like sweet person, he’s a monster now. He is a monster, one of the worst kinds of a vampire out there, a disgrace to even vampires. How can he ever face anyone ever again? How can he live with himself again knowing the horrible crime he commited? 

Even though vampire’s don’t need to breathe or have a heartbeat, Yeosang somehow feels like he can’t breathe. The borrowed blood flowing through his veins feels like sludge and his vision swims. 

He remembers the scent of Hongjoong and feels panic settle into him. Hongjoong saw him like this, Hongjoong saw him doing that to someone innocent and there’s no doubt he would tell Seonghwa and the rest about his actions. He is probably coming back to drag Yeosang back to the coven; punishments for crimes like this tended to be left up to the covens the guilty vampires belonged to. He can’t go back now, he can’t allow others to see him like this, he can’t bear to see the realisation dawn in their eyes that Yeosang was a monster, he can’t see their disappointment in him.

He feels shame run alongside blood in his veins, like another lifeline, like something that permanently belongs to him. He can’t face the others when he has done such a disgusting thing, can’t allow his coven’s name to be tainted by his actions. He needs to leave before Hongjoong gets here, he will punish himself but he can’t allow his coven to go through that. 

His knees shake as he tries to push himself up; keyword being tries.

He fails and falls back again, the head wound still oozing blood. His nose is suddenly more sensitive - as he comes off the high that tends to heighten some of his senses while dampening the others - and he can smell the blood from his injury, the disgusting smell of piss and other…’activities’ that occur in a bathroom. Those do not faze him as much as two unique smells hanging heavy in the air, ones that typically don’t belong to bathrooms - the rancid scent of fear of the boy and the sharper scent of anger that undoubtedly belongs to Hongjoong. 

He feels sick to his stomach. He can feel something work its way back up his oesophagus and he barely crawls to a toilet bowl in time before he is retching into the bowl, all the blood he had drunk forcing its way out of him. Even after his stomach is emptied of all blood and there is nothing left in him, he is still heaving. Even when he is done emptily heaving into the disgusting toilet bowl, his nausea persists. His eyes are blurry with tears he didn’t even realize were falling. 

His hands shake as the toilet flushes itself. He can’t move out of the cubicle, having no energy left in his body. His thoughts clamor around loudly in his head, most being variations of ‘you’re a monster’ and ‘you’re disgusting’. He wishes he could shut them up, wishes they would stop but the more he tries to shut his brain the worse they get until he gives up trying to stop them.

Yeosang lies there, wallowing in painful thoughts, face pale and a trembling body, feeling what no vampire should ideally be able to feel physically.There’s no energy left within him to move in any capacity. It's then that he notices a scent getting stronger.

Hongjoong. 

Shit shit shit, he has to move. He forces himself to get up on shaky legs, and dashes out of the bathroom door, and out of the club through the back entrance; summoning up all his vampiric speed and strength. 

It’s not enough. Just as he approaches his bike, there is a blur passing in front of him and Yeosang startles, coming to an abrupt stop. The blur stops in front of his bike and now Kang Yeosang is staring directly into the eyes of one very angry and disappointed looking Kim Hongjoong, the last man Yeosang wanted to see in this condition. He looks the same way Yeosang last saw him; beautiful red hair that is tussled from all the running around he has had to do this evening, a simple black graphic t shirt that has some fresh blood on it- no doubts of the human boy he had saved from Yeosang’s deathly clutches- tucked into black skinny jeans. His console is firmly wrapped around his left hand, looking borderline painful. 

He can’t find any of the anger he felt when he saw Hongjoong in the boy’s face earlier. Just fear. 

He can also smell the boy from earlier off Hongjoong. It serves to freeze his thoughts, and he has a familiar feeling of throwing up his guts again. He doesn’t, there’s nothing left within him to throw up. Despite wanting to move, wanting to run he can’t move. Neither move for a moment and then Yeosang can physically see Hongjoong’s patience wear thin. 

“What do you think you are doing?” His words sound controlled and calm but Yeosang can detect the underlying current of anger. 

He doesn’t answer, doesn’t want to answer, because the truth is that he doesn’t know the answer to that. What is he doing? Hell if he knew at this point. 

Hongjoong’s anger is palpable in the air at Yeosang’s silence in face of his question. 

“Kang Yeosang. What are you-”, Hongjoong lets out a frustrated groan. “You know what, nevermind that. Come back with me.” 

“Come back with you to where Hongjoong?” Yeosang asks tilting his head to the side, not bothering with honorifics. He can see Hongjoong’s temple twitch at his insolence but doesn’t make any attempt to correct himself. 

“Why are you acting dumb? You know i mean come back to the coven with me.” Hongjoong says, this time allowing his anger to show in his tone. 

“I won’t.” 

“It’s not a request Yeosang. Even if you say no, I’m dragging you back with me.”

“I would like to see you try.” Yeosang snorts. 

He knows it's the wrong thing to do and say when he suddenly can taste anger on his tongue. Despite Yeosang’s prickly attitude towards him, Hongjoong was always oh so patient with him. He has seen Hongjoong get pissed, but never at him and never this mucht. It feels horrible to be on the receiving end of it. Hongjoong is an ancient vampire, much like Seonghwa and many others of the coven. Ancient does not necessarily mean old, it just means that they are born vampires rather than turned. They are more powerful than any turned vampire can ever hope to be. Challenging an ancient in any shape or form is a foolish action but all that is running through Yeosang’s head is  _ want to get away, need to get away.  _

“Yeosang, are you challenging me?” Hongjoong asks, eyes having gone a dark red. Power radiates off him in waves, power that Yeosang can taste along with his anger. Yeosang can’t find it in him to give two shits about it. His self preservation instinct is all but gone. All that he can think of is how he can’t go back to the coven. He, under any circumstances, can’t.

He takes a step back to flee but Hongjoong is in front of him in a flash. In a moment of senselessness, he throws his hand out to punch the older male, but his hand is caught midair in a strong grip by Hongjoong. Yeosang uses his other hand to try to gain an upper hand. Fighting is one thing he is good at, one thing he can do well but it seems that Kim Hongjoong is better than him in this too. 

Yeosang slowly feels the anger come back. What can Hongjoong not do? He can never in a million years compare to Hongjoong but hell if he was not going down without a fight. 

It’s vicious, only in the way vampire fights can be. No one pays them any mind, such things are probably commonplace in a criminal land like this, and Hongjoong ensures to keep the fight contained in a small area. Yeosang’s legs shake more and more after every time he is slammed into the ground by Hongjoong’s tiny frame that really deceives you of the amount of power he actually has. Yet he doesn’t let up. He knows Hongjoong is going easy on him which makes him all the more frustrated. He is weak from the events that have transpired previously this evening and from generally how he ran his body ragged in past few years. There is not one situation in which he can win against Hongjoong but he still tries. 

“Yeosang there is no use. You can’t win against me, you’re too weak. Stop fighting and come home with me.” Hongjoong grumbles as he throws a kick and Yeosang quickly moves out of the way. 

“I don’t have a home to come home to anymore Hongjoong.” Yeosang feels bitter as he spits those words out. 

Hongjoong seems to have finally lost even the last thread of patience he had up until now at Yeosang’s words and delivers a particularly nasty punch that lands wrong, has his chest aching and unable to get up from the ground. Yeosang feels the world spin and he feels sick, the way he used to as a human. That should be impossible but so should be the way he then faints. The last thing he sees before the world goes black is Hongjoong’s horrified face looming over his bruised body, and he can’t help but let out a dark chuckle; he’s glad his enemy is at least horrified if not defeated by him. 

* * *

Yeosang comes to with a whine. His body aches in a way it hasn’t in forever, chest feeling like it’s caved in and all the places on his body where Hongjoong had successfully landed hits still aching. Yeosang finds it a chore to even open his eyes. When he does, it's thankfully to darkness. Ruby red eyes immediately flit around, taking in the surroundings. The bed is soft and fluffy, feeling like a soft cloud to Yeosang’s tired body. He can see the city’s skyline from here and it twinkles prettily in the moonlight. He remembers that the moon had kept guard when they were fighting; so ideally speaking the sun should be shining outside now, but it isn’t. He wonders how long he has been knocked out. 

He notices Hongjoong scent’s enveloping the room; the smell of petrichor and something like melancholy. Yeosang had never known melancholy had a scent before he met Hongjoong, and Yeosang will be loath to admit it but he likes it; likes the way Hongjoong smells, likes the way it blankets the room and calms his racing mind. Hongjoong has that effect on people sometimes. He is excellent at riling people up but he is also good at calming them down just with his scent. Yeosang remembers finding Seonghwa once in Hongjoong’s arms after a particularly harsh fight of theirs; he remembers overhearing Seonghwa telling the asleep ancient that he had no idea how calming his scent was, remembers him whisper softly into the suspended air of the room that he loved it. 

Yeosang had felt shattered. Seonghwa had once told him something similar; that Yeosang’s scent of charcoal and brimstone always calmed him down, always felt like home. Even that was taken away from Yeosang by Hongjoong. It wasn't Hongjoong's fault and yet Yeosang feels his anger simmer again at the memory.

(It's even more ironic that Yeosang finds comfort in Hongjoong's scent. It just goes to further prove it, doesn't it? Prove the fact that Yeosang has also fallen in love with Hongjoong)

The sound of a shower turning on jolts him out of his thoughts. With glaring clarity he remembers all that had transpired before he had been so rudely knocked out, and he immediately shoots up in bed. His head, oddly, swims at his actions and pain makes itself known in the back of his head. That's weird. He is a vampire, his head should have been healed by now. What was going on?

He decides that's something he will investigate later, for now it was best he got out of here, both, for his sake and the coven's sake. He throws the warm duvet off him and the cold of the room hits him, making his hairs stand on end. Odd, odd,  _ odd, _ everything in Yeosang's life right now is anything but normal.

He swings his legs off the bed and makes to stand up, but immediately crashes onto the floor with a loud thud. All places Hongjoong hit earlier ring with pain, and he winces as tears fill his eyes. The shower switches off and Hongjoong is in front of him the next second. The man is wet and naked, but he doesn’t seem to care about it, easily picking him up and gently putting him back on the bed.

"Don't fucking get up from this bed." He orders the younger angrily after he is done finally arranging him in the bed.

"You-" Yeosang starts in annoyance but instead ends up getting interrupted by coughs that just won't stop. Hongjoong climbs in beside him, naked and wet from the shower, concern written all over his face as he rubs his back in an effort to calm his coughs down. Things like these aren't supposed to happen to vampires; so then why was Yeosang in this condition? Why was he feeling so tired, so weak, so unlike his usual self. Tears spring to his eyes, slipping out silently with his coughs.

Yeosang feels helpless. Here he is, body giving up on him, having committed a grave crime by nearly killing someone in unjustified anger, and the last person he wants to see sitting beside him and helping him. The tears don't stop, partly out of frustration, partly out of sadness. The coughs finally slow, and he ducks his head in hopes that Hongjoong doesn't notice his tears. 

From the way Hongjoong's hand has stopped rubbing his back, instead laying still on his back and the way his scent has gotten thicker in an effort to comfort him; he has probably failed at that. 

His coughs stop but he doesn't look up. Hongjoong doesn't do anything either, fingers softly tapping an unknown rhythm on his back. Hongjoong is a master of music, him and Mingi had found that in common. Their music was a blessing to listen to, despite Yeosang acting like he didn’t care for it. Yeosang also has had the privilege to hear some of his solo works. He would say Hongjoong has the flair for the dramatic even with his music, preferring fun melodies over somber, mellow ones. However, in a rare occurrence, the one his back is the latter. Yeosang allows himself to focus on only that, the unknown melody being tapped into his back, allows himself to focus on finding the rhythm and focusing on the rhythm. It's odd to find comfort from the one you once loathed; someone who is arguably one of the reasons why you lost your home; but Hongjoong is familiar, and it's been so long since he has been around someone who is familiar, who is close to home and perhaps even, home. 

It's nice. The night holds vigilance to the strange companions in the hotel, streaming through the ceiling to floor windows and illuminating them. The air in the room isn't tense, but it isn't comfortable either, just strange. 

Hongjoong is the first one to break the peculiar silence.

"You need to drink." His voice is soft as if to not freak Yeosang out. 

"I know." Yeosang rasps, voice rough from the coughing fit from earlier, body not healing like normal.

A hand comes in front of his eyes, Yeosang's eyes widen at what Hongjoong is asking him to do. 

"No.” 

“Yeosang.” 

“I'm not drinking from you." He says resolutely

"From where am I supposed to get human blood for you then?" Hongjoong asks exasperated.

"I don't know, I will make do without it, but i'm not drinking from you." He says, trying to sound firm and confident, nearly freaked out. Drinking from vampires wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, however the implications it held were far too much for Yeosang to handle. It’s something that’s usually done between vampires who were in more, ah, intimate relationships. It isn't a causal practice and signified a great amount of trust placed by both the vampires between each other; trust that he doesn't hold in Hongjoong and neither does Hongjoong in him. They aren't friends or lovers, and hold a relationship of enemies at the very best, so this is incredibly odd and wrong. 

Hongjoong makes a noise of frustration. "Yeosang don't be stubborn right now. You need this."

"Why don't you just leave me to die." Yeosang grumbles annoyed. 

There is a moment of tense silence before Yeosang is being rudely pushed into the bed and Hongjoong is straddling his chest, strong hands pushing at his shoulders; still naked might Yeosang add; eyes glowing red and more strength in his body than Yeosang ever remembers him having. Ancients were truly something else.

“Listen here, Kang Yeosang, you are going to drink from me.” Hongjoong says, voice oddly calm and soft, a little melodic. Yeosang can feel the magic pulsing behind his words making his eyes widen in surprise and horror. No, no,  _ no _ ,  _ this can’t be happening _ . He can already feel the effects of his trance set in, head fogging up and thoughts slowing down. He struggles in Hongjoong’s firm grasp but Hongjoong isn’t weakened the way Yeosang is and slipping into a trance the way Yeosang is, he doesn’t move an inch. 

“Please don’t do this.” He whispers, fear coating his words. Hongjoong’s eyes soften a bit.

“I’m so sorry,’ he murmurs hands moving up to cup Yeosang’s face delicately with his small fingers, “but listen to me. Don’t you want to drink Yeosang? Aren’t you thirsty?” He asks, voice still having the magic from before. 

Yeosang is fully gone, too weak mentally and physically to resist the Trance. He nods, eyes blank and empty, head blissfully empty of thoughts. He can only focus on the hunger, the way his throat feels parched and his veins seem empty. 

“Good boy.” Hongjoong murmurs pleased. The praise feels good, and makes Yeosang let out a pleased sigh. 

“Here, let me help you yeah?” Hongjoong says, leaning forward until his neck is right in front of Yeosang’s mouth, the vein throbbing enticingly and the scent of blood more evident. It’s powerful, magic sings within every molecule of an ancient including the blood that flows within them, and Yeosang feels even more calmer due to it. Despite how alluring it is however, he doesn’t dare move to bite, he hasn’t gotten the order from Hongjoong yet

The hand on his cheek sneaks back to hold his neck in a firm grip and uses it to guide him forward till Yeosang’s head is buried in the crook of Hongjoong’s shoulder. 

“Drink up Yeosang.” He orders and hisses when Yeosang pierces his artery with little care, messily drinking and gulping down large mouthfuls of blood. Blood drips down hongjoong’s neck; he will probably need to take another shower; but just sighs and allows Yeosang to drink till he starts feeling some hunger stir within his belly. When Hongjoong is sure Yeosang has had enough to sustain himself,he winds a hair into Yeosang’s black locks and sharply pulls, “ I think that’s enough mm?”

Yeosang easily obeys and pulls his fangs out. Hongjoong pushes the boy down into the bed again and feels glad to see some color return to Yeosang’s cheeks. He smells better than he did when Hongjoong brought him here; the rancid smell of guilt and anger having gone down and replaced with a softer mellow scent of candy.

The minute his head hits the pillow, he is out like a light.

* * *

  
  


Yeosang jerks awake an undetermined time later, and it seems like the night is always ongoing as he once again opens his eyes to darkness. He feels better than he did the first time he woke up, injuries healed and body feeling better than it has in ages. He is able to get up and immediately comes face to face with Hongjoong who's sitting at the foot of the bed, fully dressed and looking at him intently. 

Yeosang stares back, re-strengthened from the feed. He hasn’t forgotten what hongjoong did to him, even though he does begrudgingly accept that it helped him. 

Hongjoong snorts at his glare. 

“Relax, I won’t do that again.” He says.

“What’s the guarantee you won’t?” Yeosang asks, hand clutching at the sheets, feet ready to run. Hongjoong eyes his posture and sighs. 

“If your strength remains, I won't force you to feed again. If it doesn’t, we will have to repeat it.”

“What if I refuse?” He asks even though he knows what Hongjoong’s answer will be.

Hongjoong shrugs. “Then it’s a trance, again.”

“Why?” Yeosang murmurs under his breath and yet Hongjoong hears him loud and clear.

“Because I want to take you home alive Yeosang. You’re dying, and I won't allow it on my watch. I am ready to do anything to keep you alive.” Hongjoong says, eyes honest and words entirely to serious and sincere.

Yeosang looks away, wonders how he can run from here, from Hongjoong. He is unable to stomach Hongjoong’s sincerity. He doesn’t deserve it, not after all he has done and all the ways he probably hurt Hongjoong. However, one thing keeps bothering him since he met Hongjoong at the club. 

“Why come after me? Why keep me alive? Why can’t you just leave me to die? Won’t it be better for you and the coven?” He doesn’t look up but he can smell the way Hongjoong gets irritated. 

“Because of a million reasons Yeosang. Why would i leave you to die? You are a member of my coven, of our coven. Seonghwa wants you alive, Wooyoung wants you alive, San wants you alive. Everyone wants you alive! If anyone else was here, they would make the same choices I did!” 

“Yeah but it's not anyone else. It's you Hongjoong.” Yeosang says bitterly.

“What difference does that make?” Hongjoong nearly yells in frustration, too loud for both the vampire’s sensitive ears and Yeosang glares at the blankets.

“Because you love Seonghwa, and I am an ex of his Hongjoong, the man he was with for his whole life before he met you. Won’t I be in the way of you claiming the love of your life?” Hongjoong goes to interrupt but Yeosang holds up his hand stopping him in his tracks. Hongjoong allows him to continue his tirade. “It was clear, back when I was home, that I was in the way of your relationship. Seonghwa was all over you, and the only reason why you weren’t named the coven leader and mated to Seonghwa was because I was there. If i’m dead, then you get everything you want.” Yeosang said 

Hongjoong takes in a deep breath; for the dramatics Yeosang is sure, since Vampires don’t need to breathe; and then levels Yeosang with the harshest glare he has ever seen on him so far.

“You are the stupidest man I have ever met Kang Yeosang. The award of the stupidest vampire In this whole universe? Kang Yeosang of the coven aurora. Even I wasn’t as dumb as you are when I was young.” Hongjoong whines. 

Yeosang stares at him incredulously. He would argue that he isn’t stupid, there are stupider people out there and especially more stupider vampires, but Hongjoong squints at him as if daring him to say more. Yeosang decides not to and just glowers at him silently. 

“Yeosang, I would save you no matter what. I don’t care about being a coven leader, I don't care about being able to stay by Seonghwa’s side as his lover or not. What gave you the idea that you were in the way of me and Seonghwa? Seonghwa loves you so much. If you asked, he would give me up for you. He has always been willing to do anything for you. You were never in our way.” Hongjoong goes on.

Yeosang lets out a dry laugh. Hongjoong cocks an eyebrow at him, “What’s so funny? Do you think i'm lying?”

“Yes hongjoong. I don’t think,  _ I know _ . Do  _ you _ know Hongjoong? Do you know that all that he talked about around me was you? Since the day he met you it was a constant mantra of hongjoong, hongjoong, hongjoong. It’s all I ever heard whenever we were together. He didn’t even bother to say anything else. I was so  _ jealous.  _ It was all he could talk about, what he did today with you, how sweet you were, how cute you were. He was, he probably still is, whipped for you Hongjoong.” Yeosang says, voice breaking at the end.

Hongjoong looks at him, surprise marring his features. Then, he laughs a bit.

“Oh Yeosang, you have no idea do you?” Hongjoong murmurs.

“No idea about what?”y

“Whenever I met Seonghwa, you were all he talked about. The first thing he would say? ‘Do you know? How pretty Yeosangie looked today?’” He says imitating Seonghwa, “‘Yeosangie did this today, Yeosangie did that today.’ He was so whipped for you, 500 years of dating you Yeosang and he still looked like a lovestruck teenage human everytime he talked about you.” 

Yeosang stared at him stunned, tears filling his eyes. 

“I used to get jealous too at times. Sometimes you were all we talked about you know, we would meet for something important and Seonghwa would go off on a tangent about you. He would see something that interested him and he would go, “don’t you think Yeosang would like this?” You were constantly on his mind and it drove me crazy. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough, I thought I wasn't doing enough. I thought to myself so many times,’what does this Yeosang have that I don’t?’.” Yeosang hasn’t heard Hongjoong so bitter, so angry and just, _so_ _shattered,_ about anything in all the time he has known him and a part of him aches and feels for Hongjoong. 

“You ever want to be someone else so bad Yeosang? You ever just wish you were someone else so you could know what it would like to get all the attention and love they get?” Yeosang doesn’t know whether he wants to laugh or cry. He wants to shake Hongjoong and tell him that Hongjoong was that sort of a person for him but Hongjoong doesn’t really give him a chance to reply or think too deeply about it, almost stumbling over his words to finish his monologue.

“I used to be so bitter about it all. That was until I met you and I realized just why Seonghwa was so in love with you.” Hongjoong’s voice goes soft and fragile in, something that Yeosang hasn’t heard him do, at least around him. It’s odd and yet endearing - no, no, nothing hongjoong does is endearing; what is wrong with him today? He’s supposed to hate this man, not find the tones of his words cute. 

“Don’t get it wrong, you weren't our only conversation topic, but we talked about you... a lot. Seonghwa could never hate you, could never think you were in the way of anything he wanted Yeosang. Seonghwa loved you,  _ loves you still.  _ You could murder the whole galaxy, you could murder me, hell you could even murder Aurora and yet Seonghwa would still look at you like you hung the stars in the sky.” Hongjoong says fondly. 

Yeosang feels like a part of his heart mends, like a weight that has been lifted off his heart. His chest feels lighter. 

“Come home Yeosang.” Hongjoong asks once again. “Come home, back to aurora. it’s where you belong.”

A watery laugh leaves Yeosang before he can stop it. 

“How can I come home now?” He asks, eyes once again unable to meet Hongjoong’s; opting to instead stare at his hands fisted into the comforter.

Hongjoong makes a confused noise. “What do you mean?”

“I-” Yeosang chokes up, “I have moved on from Seonghwa now. How do I come back home Hongjoong now Hongjoong? How?”

He doesn’t hear a reply and his tears fall, two wet spots on the otherwise dry comforter.

Hongjoong lets out a huge sigh, loud, big and dramatic.

“This is what you call moving on?” Hongjoong says angrily. “Is this what moving on looks like to you? Don’t lie to me, or yourself. Is your moving on sleeping with a new stranger every night?” Yeosang flinches and he is sure Hongjoong notices it but doesn’t care, doesn’t stop. “Is your moving on nearly killing people, humans, supernaturals and aliens alike?” Yeosang feels a new weight settle on him. It crushes him, makes him feel like he is unable to move. He wants Hongjoong to stop, wants to tell him to shut up but he is frozen, unable to command his mouth to form words or his hands to move. Tears cascade down his cheeks. The white of the comforter blurs and becomes white glassy bobs in his eyes. “Tell me Yeosang, is your moving on doing drugs night after night in a desperate bid to forget, calling strangers Seonghwa while fucking them?”

Yeosang looks up sharply at that. How did Hongjoong find out about that? Hongjoong smirks, something painful to it. 

“I met many of your feeds yeosang. You left such a messy trail, you didn’t do as good of a job of covering your tracks as you thought you were doing.” Yeosang gulps. He tended to leave people behind after he ensured they weren’t going to die. Maybe, he realizes with a sinking heart, maybe in his drug induced state he hadn’t really done a good job of it. The memories of his last feed come back to mind and he feels repulsed by himself, by his actions, by himself. 

As if hongjoong could sense what he is thinking, he quickly corrects himself, not allowing him to continue down that disastrous train of thought. “It's not as bad as you’re thinking Yeosang. You were.. You were honestly doing a good job of hiding your tracks. Avoiding surveillance, avoiding planets with contacts of ours, avoiding getting proper licenses. I nearly gave up looking for you.” Hongjoong says bitterly, eyes staring at the ceiling in thought. 

“I nearly gave up looking for you. But then, you messed up. It was just one mistake honestly and I wouldn’t have noticed it hadn’t it been for Junhee. He phoned me one day, wanting me to come along for an emergency case of a vampire attack. When we reached the victim’s place, he was nearly dead. We barely managed to get his permission before we turned him.”

Yeosang looks down back at the mattress again. Hot shame burns through his body. How many more, how many more did he hurt that way? How many more did he leave bleeding in their sheets, confused and dying.

“Yeosang. Yeosang, he survived and he’s fine now.” Hongjoong says softly. Yeosang still can’t say anything, too choked up for words. 

“Everyone that I met was fine, I apologize for freaking you out but I promise, they are all alright Yeosang.” Hongjoong tries to reassure but Yeosang can't hear over the sounds of his own thoughts. He shakes his head, more tears falling from his eyes. Hongjoong heaves a sigh. The next second he is next to Yeosang, asking him if it’s okay if he touches him. Yeosang gives a barely perceptible nod and suddenly he is encased in two strong arms, his head being pulled into Hongjoong’s chest. 

Yeosang feels much like a child comforted by their parent, but it’s once again a man Yeosang once thought of in poor taste who is providing him comfort. Hongjoong’s hand runs through his hair and tightens his grip and Yeosnag breaks like a dam. Tears roll down his cheeks in a never ending river, body shaking from his sobs. He tries to shut up, he really does but it seems nothing wants to cooperate with him recently it seems. Hongjoong doesn’t let up his hold, just keeps running his hands through his hair

“Jongho was fine honestly, I promise Yeosang.” Hongjoong soothes, not just with his words but his scent too again, calming Yeosang down a bit. 

“Jongho?” Yeosang says, mild recognition hitting him. 

“Yeah. Choi Jongho. Do you remember him?” Hongjoong asks curiously. 

“Y-yeah.. I think I do.”

He’s lying, he doesn’t think; he knows who Jongho is... ? Was? Is. 

The best lay of his life? The only man he slept with twice? The boy who truly helped him forget Seonghwa for a while. Yeah you can say that Yeosang remembers Jongho. He also remembers Jongho begging Yeosang to drink from him more because it felt so good. Remembers seeing the blood, remembers being high and feeling horrible. He remembers running away, thinking Jongho was fine. Remembers beating himself up for a while; at least until he was able to forget the boy with the help of the usual drugs. 

He remembers Jongho like the only bright flame in his otherwise colourless life of the past few years. Remembers how despite being a human, Jongho could easily wrestle Yeosang onto the floor with minimum effort. He wonders how much stronger he would be now as a vampire. 

“Ho-how strong is he?” Yeosang asks tentatively. 

Hongjoong throws his head back and laughs; it reverberates in Yeosang’s chest and makes a flame of something warm flicker in Yeosang’s chest. He hates to admit it, but he missed Hongjoong’s laugh. It was always loud and filled the room, made itself known between others such sounds of joy, just like Hongjoong did, commanded it’s own space and yet easily fitting in between the six he knew.

“His strength is something impressive alright. Wouldn’t you like to find out for yourself how strong he is?” Hongjoong asks hand stilling in his hair causing Yeosang to nearly let out a whine. He holds it in at the last second but softly bumps his head against Hongjoong’s hand much like how a displeased cat would to its owner. Hongjoong easily takes the cue and starts petting his head again much to Yeosang’s pleasure. 

“I don’t know, i don’t know if I can come back Hongjoong.” He purposely avoids saying home, because while it is his home, he doesn’t know if he has the rights to claim it as home now.

“Yeosang, do you know how long you have been gone?” Hongjoong asks after a moment of contemplative silence.

“Around two years?” It comes out more as a question than a confident answer, but it's because quite frankly because Yeosang never cared to check how long it had been. To an immortal like him who has lived so long, time is all but a concept( and also he didn’t really want to know how long it had been since he ran away. He wasn’t ready to face reality, he wasn’t ready to face his mistakes and his fuck ups, instead rather liking to ignore it).

Hongjoong snorts.

“You wish. It’s been four years since you left. Four years of frantic searching, of turning planets upside down to find even the smallest traces of you. You were a ghost, an invisible man. There was no trace of you anywhere, no scents, no surveillance camera footage, no official or non-official records, no sightings, there was... There was nothing. At one point we thought you may have died.” Yeosang isn’t sure whether he imagined it, but he thinks that Hongjoong choked up at the end. Unpacking that reaction from Hongjoong will however probably not help Yeosang’s regrets and his guilt so he decides to lock it away in his memories to think about some other day. 

Yeosang’s heart aches. It’s clear through Hongjoong’s words how hard they worked to get him back, how much they missed him. Yeosang wonders how he didn’t notice. Four years is truly a long time to be gone, even though to vampires time just starts meshing together; after all what is time but a concept when you are immortal?

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly. 

“You don’t need to apologize to meㅡjust meㅡYeosang, you need to apologize to the coven, to our friends and most importantly, I think you need to apologize to yourself. Don’t you think you deserve better?” Hongjoong’s voice is soft but Yeosang can hear the hurt and anger behind it. Yeosang feels stunned at Hongjoong’s words, at his  _ tone _ . He has never thought about him personally deserving better than what he put himself through in the past few years, and he didn’t expect anyone to tell him that either. 

His words dig out a particular memory he has buried in the deep recesses of his brain, an incident he is the least proud of in his long life and one he wasn’t able to forget for a long, long time. He had torn apart a pack of hunters in panic and hunger long back, when he was just a freshly turned and confused vampire. He had regretted and repented it for a long long time. Getting fed up of seeing him moping around the small coven house that they lived in back then all the time, Seonghwa and Wooyoung had sat him down and told him something along the very lines that Hongjoong is right now. Perhaps, he concludes, Seonghwa and Hongjoong were more alike than he had first realized. 

“I'm sorry.” Yeosang repeats, because he doesn't know how to reply to that. He is sorry and he will apologize to the others he hurt with his mindless decisions but apologizing to his own self would perhaps not happen for a while. He is once again choked up thanks to Hongjoong’s words. He wonders how many times Hongjoong will make him cry in one night, and wonders for how long had Hongjoong wanted to tell him these words. 

“You lost four years of your life to cope with a misunderstanding Yeosang. You lost four years grieving a relationship you mistakenly thought broken. It's been four years spent running, four years of instability, when are you going to selfishly do something for yourself instead of Seonghwa?” Hongjoong says, doing nothing now to hide his anger. He is loud and his voice echoes through the room and in his head 

_ When was Yeosang going to do something for himself? _ _  
  
_

He feels dumb, feels like the way he did as a human teenager, sad and angry, guilty for all his actions. He feels so much to the point it's overwhelming. A hundred thoughts running through his head and a hundred answers on the tip of his tongue but none of it comes out. Instead he gives a watery laugh, and hums. “After all that I hurt you, after all the people I hurt in my grief, tell me Hongjoong-sshi if you truly believe I'm capable of being forgiven. Of forgiving myself? Of-” he chokes on a sob; damn his stupid feelings, “of deserving better?”

“Yes.” Hongjoong replies without any hesitation, enough conviction in his tone to move heaven and earth behind a single word. Hongjoong has always commanded everyone and everything around him effortlessly including his own self. It’s enough to make Yeosang cry yet again. It’s enough to convince Yeosang that perhaps, there is a small chance he does deserve better, and he did so from the beginning.

He says truthfully, “I’ll try, but even then Hongjoong, with all that I have done, I don't want to come back and bring shame to our coven. You all deserve better than that.”

Hongjoong lets out a long suffering sigh. He mutters something very, very quietly under his breath that suspiciously sounds like, “stubborn bastards.” Yeosang isn’t very sure but it makes him smile. 

“I wasn’t planning on telling you this so soon but,” Hongjoong starts and Yeosang suddenly feels a bit scared at the conflicted and pained expression on his face.

“But?” Yeosang prompts when Hongjoong doesn’t continue, seeing as he still looks conflicted. Hongjoong sighs, yet again, then visibly steels himself. Yeosang doesn’t think he will like what Hongjoong will say next. 

“Seonghwa is dying.” The blood in his veins runs cold and Yeosang feels like he has heard wrong. Seonghwa? Dying? This feels like a joke, he hopes to all gods it’s a joke, but why is Hongjoong telling him such a cruel joke to him? Anger flares up in him.

“Don’t lie to me.” He says angrily twisting out of Hongjoong’s arms to face him. He finds that he doesn’t like the expression on Hongjoong’s face; where he was expecting a smile that Hongjoong can’t contain, he gets a sombre expression that doesn’t have a hint of amusement.

“I’m not lying to you.” Hongjoong says, some desperation coloring his words. “He’s really dying Yeosang.”

“But why?” Yeosang doesn’t understand. A vampire can’t die, they don't die easily, and Seonghwa especially can’t die. 

Yeosang can see Hongjoong hesitate, can see the cogs turning in his head, and he doesn’t have the patience for this. He needs to know and he needs to know the reason  _ now _ .

“Hongjoong spit it out. Please.” Yeosang is desperate for answers. So many questions whirl around in his head but he hesitates to ask any of them before he gets the reason for it. 

“Yeosang it's-” Hongjoong tries to reason but Yeosang doesn’t want anything from Hongjoong except the truth.

“I can handle it. Just please, tell me.” Yeosang all but yells.

“It’s because of you.” 

Oh.

_ Oh. _

Hongjoong could have tortured him and it would have hurt less than those four words. Because of him? How? He hasn’t been around Seonghwa in four years. How can he be the one killing Seonghwa?

“What…” He can’t believe it. He refuses to believe that. How can he be the reason behind Seonghwa’s… death?

“It’s because of you.” Hongjoong repeats. 

“No! You’re lying! How is that possible?” Yeosang grabs him by the collar of his pristin white shirt and shakes him, eyes red and desperate to hear that Hongjoong is lying. Hongjoong’s hands fly up to hold his wrists, eyes gentle and sad sensing the conflict going on within Yeosang.

“Why would I lie about something like this Yeosang?” 

“I don’t know? You tell me Hongjoong.” Yeosang says. He can feel the tears well up for the nth time tonight. They drop down, warm and sad, on Hongjoong’s face and he flinches at the warmth.

“Yeosang. Yeosang.” Hongjoong tries and then pauses. He removes the grip of one of his hands from around Yeosang’s wrist and places it on Yeosang’s chest, right above his heart. 

“Yeosang… haven’t you realized it yet?” he softly. He looks sad and like he’s bracing for the worst. Yeosang hates that look. He doesn't know what he is supposed to feel and what Hongjoong is asking from him so he stays mum. At his silence, Hongjoong sighs and gnetly cup his face with his small small hands. It feels alarmingly cold to Yeosang which is strange, it’s not supposed to be cool, he and Hongjoong are supposed to have the same body temperatures. 

“I thought maybe you would have already realised but I guess within all that grief you didn’t have time to hmm?” Hongjoong shakes his head.

“Just spit it out already Hongjoong.” Yeosang snarls. Hongjoong closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again and gives Yeosang an answer which feels like a punch to the gut

“You’re dying too Yeosang.” 

Yeosang’s eyes go wide and he abruptly lets go of hongjoong’s collar as he falls onto his knees in shock.

“What?” Yeosang he whispers to no one in particular in the room. 

“Can’t you feel it Yeosang? You are weaker than normal. I had a suspicion since Seonghwa was getting weaker that you would be in a similar state. Surprisingly you weren’t but you were  _ weaker.”  _ That is true, Yeosang realises horrified. He is weak. The past few weeks, probably for longer, he has been feeling strangely weak. No matter how much he fed, no matter what he did he wasn’t recovering. He never thought that meant he was dying however. But-

“But why?” Yeosang whispers.

“It’s your soul bond.” 

“Soul Bond?” nothing Hongjoong has said has surprised him as much as this. Soul Bonds are sacred and rarely happen. A soul bond between two vampires is a blessed connection, one that signifies years and years of love and trust. For two vampires to have a soulbond, it would require at least a few hundred years spend together loyal to each other. He is aware that there exists very few ancients who are blessed enough to soul bonds with someone. What is even more surprising to him was the fact that Seonghwa had one with him, someone who is a Turned. Turned couldn’t form soul bonds. It was simply a gospel truth that he and Seonghwa had accepted a few years into their relationship, that they wouldn’t be able to form a soul bond together. 

What Hongjoong was saying sounded impossible to Yeosang. How could the gods bless a cowardly vampire like him with a soul bond? He didn’t deserve it. Seonghwa didn’t deserve it. No matter how bitter he felt towards the elder, Seonghwa deserves to have a soul bond with someone better than Yeosang, Hongjoong for example. Someone who wouldn’t doubt their lover's actions and words, someone who wouldn’t get unnecessarily jealous, someone who will treat Seonghwa like he deserves to be treated, Yesoang didn’t deserve the soul bond. Hongjoong had to be lying, why would he have a soul bond with Seonghwa? 

“Yeah a soul bond Yeosang. You and Seonghwa have a soul bond, but” He stops mid sentence to gauge Yeosang who looks devastated, like Hongjoong has shifted the world on its axis for him. Hongjoong is probably well aware that the night’s conversation has definitely taken a heavy toll on him but he seems desperate to get Yeosang home and he knows how stubborn he can be. Yeosang wonders if he came prepared for all that Yeosang would throw at him because he hasn’t faltered with his words even once. “But it’s being torn apart.”   
  


“It’s me isn’t it.” Yeosang knows it's his fault. Seonghwa isn’t the one who ran away, isn’t the one who drove a metaphorical dagger through a 500 year old relationship over a misunderstanding, isn’t the one who betrayed a coven over fucking feelings. 

Yeosang fucks up everything and everyone, and-

“Yeosang, stop thinking.” Hongjoong says irritated. “It isn’t just you, it’s Seonghwa too. Both of you acted like idiots and hurt each other. The bond break isn’t recent but started a long time back. Possibly from since when I first met him. You both fought a lot then, didn’t you.”

“You tell me since you seem to know fucking everything.” Yeosang grits his teeth. His scent is as sour as it was when Hongjoong had found him, and fills the room up. Hongjoong’s scent gets sour too at his words, and Yeosang feels more irritated at the way their scents still end up intertwining like well acquainted vines well instead of clashing with each other. Hongjoong’s eyes narrow and flecks of red appear in grey irises. Yeosang isn’t frightened, knows Hongjoong means no harm now and even if he does, even if all he said earlier was a lie, Hongjoong will still not harm him because he needs- 

No. 

  
No. he doesn’t need Yeosang alive. He is an ancient. He can easily save Seonghwa’s life by himself. Sure it would probably kill Yeosang, but he would get Seonghwa alive, whole and capable of finding a soul bond with him. Then fucking why? 

“Yeosang i don’t know all these things because i wanted to trust me.” Hongjoong snorts but Yeosang isn’t listening to that. He has another question now, one that he isn’t sure he wants an answer to but he braves it. What could hurt worse than the knowledge his actions and decisions are killing their love?

“Why?” He whispers, staring out of the window, staring at the bright lights of the city, at the red moon of this planet. A fleeting thought of how similar it looks to the moon which he would stare at for hours back home with Seonghwa runs through his head but he shoves it down. 

“Why.. why did you not break the soul bond? You and Seonghwa are capable of doing it and surviving, then why...why did you not break it Hongjoong. It would give you Seonghwa who is capable of forming a soul bond with you.”

Hongjoong doesn’t answer for a few moments and Yeosang feels impatient for his answer but at the same time, he doesn’t want to hear it. Why? He isn’t really sure.

“You have so many difficult questions for me tonight Yeosang. Do you want me to bare my soul to you?” He says with a short laugh. It’s suspiciously unstable. Yeosang feels ashamed but he doesn’t retract his question. He needs to know and he won’t apologize for his curiosity. Sure he forgave Hongjoong but that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t feel bitter, those feelings will take some time to sort out. He wouldn’t admit it but he has enjoyed seeing Hongjoong struggle to answer him, even though it makes him guilty and even if it means that Yeosang is forced to bare his sins to him. But who will know this conversation held by two hurt souls except them two? Who would ask about it? No one. So why should Yeosang pull back his words. 

Hongjoong lets out a long suffering sigh and Yeosang just stares harder at the moon. He can see the one crater on it. Oh interesting, the moon was closer to the planet than he had realised.

“I would get Seonghwa for myself but it would mean that you would die.”

Yeosang has had his worldview shifted by many things tonight but nothing hits as hard as this one. Nothing makes the metaphorical wound in his non existent heart hurt more. 

“So what would it matter? Seonghwa would be alive and that’s all that would be important wouldn’t it? I am a traitor and a criminal Hongjoong. Why care for me? Why even think about saving me?” Yeosang screams. His words ring in the room, his tears gloss over his vision.

“Did you not listen a fucking word I said earlier tonight? Do you still question Seonghwa’s devotion to you?” Hongjoong screams back. He is towering over Yeosang, pushing him down into the mattress. His eyes are red and it’s his turn to have his fingers fisted in Yeosang’s top. Yeosang idly realises that his clothes have been changed. He is wearing a clean black top now instead of the mesh one he wore to the club. Hongjoong pulls him so his back is off the sheets and he is staring directly into Hongjoong’s furious face. 

“You are lying if you think i would believe all of that Hongjoong.” Yeosang glares back just as angry.

“Fuck you Kang Yeosang. Fuck. You.” Hongjoong spits out. 

“Yeah fuck me and what about it?” Yeosang snarls back.

“Yes I thought about it. I fucking wanted to, so badly, for a while because I was angry at you Yeosang. You left us, slinking away in the night, not even gracing us with a bloody note. We found your hand console in a fucking ditch; your interspace ID someplace else. There was fucking nothing,  _ nothing.  _ Do you have any clue how torn we were? We turned every fucking place upside down, cleaned the whole damn planet of it’s trash to find any answer to what happened to you. For the longest time we thought you had died Yeosang.” Hongjoong hands were nearly tearing his shirt in his grip. Yeosang watched surprised. He did have an idea that they probably thought he had died. He had expected that and that’s why he expected no one to find him.

“We were so fucking torn. No one drank for days, till Youngjo and Junhee came over and forced us to. Then Seonghwa just….collapsed one day. Do you know how terrifying it was for us? We had thought one of our coven leaders had died. And now the other one was also on a possible deathbed or atleast on his way to a Sleep. Just imagine it Yeosang. Our grief was so palpable in the air people didn’t even flicker around the manor. I was so gutted, and i felt so angry, so fucking angry.” He doesn’t need to say who he felt angry towards. Yeosang knew who and he didn’t blame him. 

“Eden checked him over and told us he has a breaking soul bond. Even though they were grave news, I saw Wooyoung smile for the first time in months.” It strikes a painful chord in his heart. Had yeosang stolen his best friend’s smile too? He had stolen their happiness and left them rolling in the dust and now, he had also stolen Wooyoung’s smile. Yeosang wonders if he will ever be able to gain forgiveness from himself or from his coven. Wooyoung’s smile is a treasure of theirs that they ensured was always maintained and that nothing could rob it. San swore up and down to anyone that would hear, that his smile could heal any emotional wounds and that it rivaled the brightness of all the stars across the universe and everyone agreed. 

Yeosang misses them. He misses his coven as much as he misses Seonghwa. He wants to go back so badly, no matter how many times he has refused Hongjoong’s offer, he knows he feels otherwise. 

“FInding out that Seonghwa had a soul bond, there was no doubt between us as to who it would be with. Eden told us that you had to be alive otherwise Seonghwa would have been in a much worse state if you had…..” He can’t continue the sentence, “You were alive and the coven’s hope was renewed. But mine wasn’t. And i was right, we searched again for so long, so long Yeosang, so many nights and days spent away from home. So many days spent futilely looking through all sorts of records and footages. Seonghwa just kept getting worse and there was no sign of you anywhere. I-” Hongjoong let go of his tight grip on his shirt and Yeosang’s head hits the mattress with a small thud. Hongjoong opts to stare outside the window as he continues talking, sitting on his knees with the moonlight highlighting his lithe figure, tears of anger shining like diamonds on his cheeks, making him look an ethereal being in deep sorrow. 

“So many times, so many times I nearly asked Seonghwa to help him break the bond. But I knew, deep down I knew he would refuse. He loved you too much for that and as long as there remained a hope of finding you, he would not allow the bond to be broken by anyone.” Hongjoong shakes his head and gives a sad laugh. 

“I prayed to every god out there that we would find you. Every night I would cry for something, anything. Yeosang do you know what it’s like to see your home crumble slowly? To see the one love of your life dying in front of you and you can’t do anything to help him even if the solution was right there?” He stares at Yeosang, gaze piercing through him and Yeosang can feel Hongjoong’s grief now as if it’s his own. 

“Do you know how relieved I was when I found Jongho? I would have never thought that smelling the scent of rotten brimstone and charcoal would give me so much happiness, I never thought finding a dying boy on a planet I hadn't even known of before would make me so happy but it did. I found Jongho and it was like I was finally able to hope to breathe, though I have never taken a breath in my life before, I suppose the feeling is similar to that. You were alive and there was some hope to find you. There was some hope to save Seonghwa.” Yeosang has the sudden strong urge to swallow. There’s no saliva or food for him to swallow in his mouth but he still has that urge. 

It seems that Hongjoong is done talking now, and silence reigns over the room. Yeosang doesn’t wish to break it, too tired and unwilling to find out any more and not having any proper response to Hongjoong’s confessions. Everything that Hongjoong has told him has torn the wound in him deeper, though it is simultaneously healing him in a way. 

“And..” Hongjoong starts, quiet and small, “Even if, even if Seonghwa would give me the permission to break the bond, I wouldn't. It would mean your death Yeosang and no matter how much I hated the fact that you ran away, the fact that you hurt the ones that I love the most, I couldn't do that to you.” 

The confession stuns him. He had never thought that he would in a million years hear Hongjoong say anything akin to that. Yet here they are, Hongjoong confessing to wanting to save him despite all his wrongs, willing to go against even Seonghwa’s wishes, _ Seonghwa’s _ . Yeosang wants to scream, wants to possibly break something and make himself bleed. He wants to shake Hongjoong by his shoulders and tell him he’s not worth it.. And.. and Yeosang doesn’t know anymore. He does and yet he doesn’t. Oh they are fools, such fools, and yeosang used to think himself as the biggest fool in love. It seems that Hongjoong is the biggest fool of them all in love. Yeosang finally makes up his mind. But he has one last question, one last thing to know from Hongjoong. 

“If I come home will it change anything? Will the soul bond heal? Will it save seonghwa?”    
  


“Yes, it definitely will. Eden told us that there is still a possibility the soul bond can be repaired and both of your lives saved.”

“What about you then?” 

“What about me?” Hongjoong tilts his head to the side, confused.

“Don’t you want a soul bond with Seonghwa too?” 

“Of course I do Yeosang. But, it’s not just my decision here. There are three of us, whether you and I like it or not. Seonghwa… he would, no,” he shakes his head, “he probably has given me up by now.”

Yeosang can’t help but laugh. Seonghwa? Give up on Hongjoong and their relationship? That’s impossible. Seonghwa never gives up on the people and things he loves. He can still distinctly remember Seonghwa stubbornly chasing Mingi for close to nearly ten years until the hunter finally agreed to be turned and became a coven member. He knows that if Mingi hadn’t agreed even after ten years of being constantly pestered by his lover; he would have been chased after by Seonghwa for ten more untl he did. For him and Hongjoong it’s been only seven years. 

Yeosang has an inkling that Hongjoong probably knows Seonghwa as well as he does by now. Small things like this however serve as reminders to him there are still some things he probably doesn’t know about Seonghwa yet; things that one could only know by spending years by his side, years which Yeosang and the others have spent. 

It gives him some sort of a joy that there are still parts of Seonghwa that Hongjoong doesn’t know yet, isn’t privy to yet. He laughs again in childish delight. 

“Seonghwa hasn’t.” Yeosang says when he is done laughing because as much as he would like to see Hongjoong suffer thinking he doesn’t have a chance with Seonghwa anymore, Hongjoong has been nothing but kind and understanding. He has given Yeosang so many chances that Yeosang himself hasn’t given the elder. 

“What?”

“Seonghwa hasn’t, and will probably never, give up on you.” 

Hongjoong snorts. “I wish.”

“What do you mean?” Yeosang asks brows furrowed in confusion.

Hongjoong doesn’t answer him but instead changes the topic. “I think that’s enough questions from you tonight. I have one for you now.” He says with a fake smile. “Why did you allow Seonghwa to continue his relationship with me if it hurt you so much? Why did you give him permission to build a relationship with me if you were not comfortable with it?”

“When did I allow all of that?” Yeosang says annoyed. He doesn’t even remember Seonghwa asking him for permission for a go ahead. He honestly doesn’t even remember the conversations that he had with Seonghwa before he ran, barely paying attention to what Seonghwa was saying because it would be about Hongjoong anyways, what was the point of listening to them?

“Seonghwa told me he would ask you permission for everything. From our first kiss to the first time we slept together, he had asked permission for each one of them and you had replied affirmatively to each one of them…. Did he lie to you and me?” He goes quiet by the end. 

“That’s not possible, Seonghwa wouldn’t do that. He’s too honest a man, if he said he did something, then he did.” Yeosang quickly reassures him. He is sure there has been a miscommunication somewhere but he isn't sure where.

A realisation crashes over him just then.

_ He didn’t listen to Seonghwa’s talks after he met Hongjoong. _

_ Oh. _

_ Fuck. _

He remembers Seonghwa vaguely asking him questions sometimes and Yeosang used to act like he knew what Seonghwa was asking and would always reply with ‘yes’, or ‘go ahead’.

Oh.

Oh he was so stupid. 

“Then?” Hongjoong quirks an eyebrow at him. Yeosang is sure if he was human his cheeks and ears would be red from embarrassment.

“I.. um” Yeosang starts then hesitates. Hongjoong is going to be pissed at him for this and it will be Yeosang’s fault again. Once again. If only he had listened, if only he paid attention to his own lover. Hongjoong just quirks an eyebrow at him again, hands folded over his chest and Yeosang is frankly a bit intimidated. It’s tough to get the words out but Hongjoong deserves this explanation at least, otherwise he may think Seonghwa is a cheater, when Yeosang knew it was in no way Seonghwa’s fault and only his. Drag his name through the mud for all he cares, but he will never allow anyone to drag Seonghwa’s name through the mud, will never allow his lovers- no, ex lovers- name to be sullied no matter how pissed or upset he is with him. Seonghwa, his sun and stars, his home, the one who held his whole heart in his hands, he doesn’t deserve to suffer because of Yeosang’s mistakes. 

Seonghwa doesn't deserve to lose someone who cherishes and respects him despite everything. Hongjoong doesn’t deserve to lose someone who will love and cherish him all his life. 

“It’s… well I didn't pay attention to him when he used to be talking...and then.. I Would just agree with whatever he said.” 

Hongjoong huffed out an unamused laugh and rolled his eyes. 

“What, you’re telling me all of this could have been prevented if you just paid attention to Seonghwa?” 

“...maybe?” Yeosang squeaks.

Suddenly Hongjoong’s expression changes. His eyes narrow in suspicion but Yeosang can smell the curiosity and fear in Hongjoong’s scent. “If you would have-”

Yeosang knows where he is going with it and he cuts him off with his answer before Hongjoong can finish his question. 

“Yes I would have. Without a doubt, even if it hurt me, I would have given him the go ahead to do whatever he liked with you. I… I couldn’t, I still  _ can’t _ never deny Seonghwa of the things he loved.  _ Loves. _ I don’t have the heart to keep him away from the things that would make him happy and Hongjoong, you made him very, very happy.”

Hongjoong’s eyes shine with unshed tears and Yeosang feels a little uncomfortable because to him Hongjoong has always seemed so sure of himself, always confident in his actions. To see him cry, or at least tear up over some reassurance from Yeosang, didn’t sit well with him. 

“Thank you.” He says softly without any hesitation. Yeosang is in awe of his openness. Hongjoong, Yeosang decides, is a terrifying man, not because of his age or status, but because he is so unashamedly himself and not scared to admit his faults or express his gratitude. He is prideful and yet humble. 

No wonder, an evil voice whispers in his head, No wonder everyone loves him. No wonder he and Seonghwa fit against each other like two puzzle pieces, like two halves of a whole. He tells that voice to shut up and come back some other day because right now he had other things to worry about. For example, going back to Aurora, back home. It is terrifying to think of it but he decides that being a coward

“I will…”

“Hmm?”

“I will come home.” Yeosang finally admits. 

Hongjoong gives him a relieved smile, and it feels too bright in a room filled with heavy confessions, he can’t find it in himself to return the smile.

“Promise you won’t run away?”

Yeosang snorts, “I’m not going anywhere now, I think it’s time to go home. For Seonghwa.”

He goes to move back to his old position where Hongjoong currently sits who gracefully moves away to give Yeosang some space. He is sleepy and tired and it is terrifying knowing the reason behind it is that he is dying, quite literally. But there is some time so he won’t, probably, hopefully? Yeosang doesn’t know. He only knows he is craving to lie down. 

“When are we leaving?”

“When you wake up.” Hongjoong’s voice sounds more far away, and Yeosang realises the ancient is at the door now. Hongjoong runs a hand over the switch panel and the curtains start falling, dimming the room further. Yeosang squirms under the blankets to find a comfortable position. When he finally finds one, he once again looks toward the door to find that Hongjoong is still there. 

  
“Is there anything else?” Yeosang asks, voice gravelly with sleep.

Hongjoong stays quiet and doesn’t say anything for a moment, eyes twinkling like stars in the light of the console on his arm.

“There is one more question..” He starts.

Yeosang wants to sigh but he holds it in. 

  
“Tell me.”

“Do you hate me?”

Why does Hongjoong have to ask this now? Yeosang has to work his brain again. Well, Yeosang supposes, it’s only fair that he does. The way he had acted the whole evening and even before he left(ran) with Hongjoong did look like he hated him. 

Does he actually hate Hongjoong? Well… he supposes that the answer to that question is,

“No. No I don’t hate you Hongjoong.” He turns around to face the curtains, grabbing a pillow from the pile under his head to hug, and hopes that Hongjoong doesn’t hear the next part of his sentence, “Because i think I am a little in love with you.”

The sharp gasp he hears means that Hongjoong probably heard him. Well, there was nothing Yeosang could do about it now that it’s out in the open for Hongjoong to know. 

He just hugs the pillow harder and closes his eyes. Sleep easily claims him. 

* * *

The two earthen weeks long journey back home is uneventful. Both of them are content to ignore each other for the first few days because both have a lot to think about. Yeosang is always tired and keeps napping and Hongjoong has to feed him twice during the journey. He doesn’t even have to threaten him now; in an odd turn of events, the second time Yeosang ends up approaching him for it. The pod is huge, its one of their covens’(Yeosang recognizes it because he was the one who bought it), enough to easily find some privacy in. Yeosang feels grateful for it as it means that he can mope around his assigned room, and need not worry about running into Hongjoong.

And mope, he does. The closer they get to home, the more nervous he gets and the more questions he has.

How would he face the pack again? How would he apologize? What would his punishment be? Would Seonghwa recover once they hopefully reconcile? There are a million different possibilities as to how each scenario could go and he contemplates each of them over and over in his head, driving himself crazy. Hongjoong finally realises that Yeosang is driving himself upa wall with his thoughts and pulls him into the cabin to navigate, that is till he realises that Yeosang is getting stressed about it too. Hongjoong laughs, then sighs and pats his head and puts on some mindless drama for both to watch.

Yeosang’s condition unfortunately deteriorates as the days pass. He doesn’t understand why, considering he has finally made peace with the fact that he was still in love with Seonghwa and that he was consistently in the wrong, and it has been his own ignorance that had led to him running away. He has forgiven Seonghwa for the oversights he had made in their relationship. The soulbond shouldn't be suffering anymore but he still is and he wonders if Seonghwa is the one who is trying to break it now. It’s a terrifying thought to have and it keeps him awake despite his fatigue for hours; one that even haunts him in the few precious hours of sleep he finally manages to get after nights of overthinking. He is afraid to bring it all up with Hongjoong but somehow that bastard still notices his condition. 

They try their best to keep Yeosang’s condition stable but nothing seems to work. In the last leg of their journey, Yeosang is bed ridden and spends most of his time sleeping. On the last day, he doesn’t wake up till they park on a landing pad in the backyard of their house. Hongjoong ends up carrying him into the house, seeing as Yeosang can’t even get up, and into his and Seonghwa’s previously shared bedroom. Is Hongjoong throwing him to the wolves from the first moment home?

As it turns out, that’s not the reality. Seonghwa, thankfully, is fast asleep on the bed and Hongjoong gently deposits him beside him. 

“Stay there.” He warns before slipping out of the room to probably clean up. Fear grips Yeosang and for awhile he doesn’t even dare move a muscle, lying in the same position that Hongjoong has laid him on the bed. He doesn’t try taking in the room, or the scents. He’s subconsciously aware of it all, the changes and the things that remained the same, but he doesn’t care much for them now because the most important person to him, Seonghwa, is right in front of him. He dreads Seonghwa waking up, dreads the conversation that will undoubtedly follow, dreads facing the coven, dreads everything regarding this situation. He has to face it, he can’t forever run from it, but he wants just a few more hours, just some more time to prepare his heart for this. 

But how much more can he prepare? No matter how many hours he gets, no matter how much reassurance he gets, he’s never going to feel like he’s ready for everything that’s about to follow.

It’s in these thoughts that sleep consumes him once again, tired thanks to their dying soulbond, and he becomes truly dead to the world for a few hours. 

* * *

When he wakes up, possibly a few hours later, it’s to Seonghwa lying on his side and staring at him. Yeosang jerks away from the gaze and almost tries to flee but he finds his body too weak to move. Seonghwa is taken aback for a few seconds, blinking in surprise and shock, then turns around to get something from the bedside table. When he turns back around to face Yeosang, there’s a glass of blood in his hand. Yeosang doesn’t think, the smell of fresh blood enticing to his empty stomach and parched throat, and immediately takes the glass from Seonghwa’s hands to down it in a go. He ends up choking, immediately sitting up in bed and coughing, trying to force the blood either out or down the right track and rubbing a hand on his chest to help. It alarms Seonghwa, who quickly sits up and hovers around Yeosang as he tries to calm down, unsure as to what to do and too scared to touch Yeosang.

It breaks a part of Yeosang’s heart. The Seonghwa of before would never hesitate to touch and hold Yeosang but now, thanks to Yeosang’s reckless decision, he probably doesn’t know if he has the permission to touch him. One hand on his chest, finally done coughing, he looks sideways at Seonghwa. Yeosang doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to start a conversation, and it seems that Seonghwa doesn’t know either.

Both are content to stare at each other in silence. It’s been four long years, and perhaps even longer since the two estranged lovers have properly seen each other. Seonghwa looks the same, the same black hair that Yeosang had sent so much time running his hands through, the same lush lips that have worshiped Yeosang with words and with actions, the same gentle, strong, kind eyes which never held any judgment and still don’t, the same pretty ears which adorned many of Yeosang’s gifts, the same. Seonghwa is the same man who took his breath away 500 years ago(and subsequently everytime after) when he first laid his eyes on him. 

He wonders if Seonghwa finds him the same, or finds Yeosang a stranger. 

Seonghwa’s eyes glitter prettily in the candles lit in the room(oh candles! Yeosang has missed them, they’re scented smelling like candies, the ones that yeosang really liked and  _ oh _ ) and when Yeosang spots the unshed tears in them, his hands ache to wipe them away, to catch them before they fall like the way they have in the past, but in the same way that Seonghwa wasn’t sure, Yeosang isn’t sure he can touch him now, doesn’t know if such an action would be appreciated. Their scents mix together however, very comfortably, black cherry and dark chocolate with charcoal and brimstone of Yeosang’s 

The silence stretches, neither of them knowing where to start and both also too lost in each other to say anything. 

Seonghwa finally takes his eyes off to look at the glass held tightly in Yeosang’s hand and before Yeosang can think, he is handing it over to him. It’s a reflex action, one made without any doubts; without any thoughts. Seonghwa takes it and puts it back on the side table and that’s when something occurs to Yeosang.

“Oh, was it meant for you?” HIs voice is small and raspy from the lack of use. It grates at his own ears and he winces.

“No it wasn't, don't worry about it.” Seonghwa’s voice is deep and smooth and God has Yeosang missed it.

He has missed Seonghwa, he has missed Aurora, and he finally is back to both. 

“You know, when Hongjoong said he was returning home, I didn’t expect that it would be with you.” Seonghwa finally starts. 

Yeosang doesn’t know what to say to that; he was unaware that Hongjoong hadn’t informed Aurora of his arrival.

“Sorry?”

“Sorry? Sorry??” Seonghwa says, eyes alight in sorrow and fury.

“God Yeosang you fucking ran away in the middle of night. Do you know just how scared .. Oh gods..” Seonghwa turns around, refusing to show his tears to him and Yeosang feels his own water.

“You just.. Left.” His voice is small and hurt. Yeosang hates it. He doesn’t want to listen to it, doesn’t want to see the love of his life, his moon and stars cry, doesn’t want to see him in so much pain, but he is the one who did this, he is the one who hurt him this way and this is his punishment. He can’t run away selfishly, he doesn’t have the choice or the right to anymore. He did it once and look where that got him and all those he loved. 

“In the middle of the night. No note, no video, nothing. We thought you were kidnapped, we thought you... fuck and I just. I couldn’t-” Seonghwa once again breaks mid sentence, choking on a sob.

“I’m sorry, hyung i'm sorry I wasn’t thinking and-” Yeosang too, can’t continue his own sentence, throat choked up with sobs he’s trying to hold back.

“Fuck you, you bastard, you made me so worried, I couldn’t even, i couldn’t even drink without wanting to th-throw up. I.. I thought.. I thought the worst” he can’t continue for a moment, there’s just so many tears and there’s no place between them for words, “Wooyoung he...he wouldn’t even talk to me. He wouldn’t talk to San. He blamed m-me. They all just, they were so sad. So sad and i couldn’t do anything to help them because i was worse. W-When Junhee showed up it was like a graveyard, the house and- Yeosang i have never seen them that way.  _ You _ have never seen them grieve that way.” 

He sounds angry and hurt, stumbles through his word trying to get each out, and each is like a stab of a sharp knife to his heart. He can’t say anything, doesn’t have any words, any explanations that can redeem his actions. He doesn’t have anything but hot tears of anger and shame. He can only watch as the one to whom he once proclaimed loudly to protect with his life, cries because of him. He broke his promise, he allowed Seonghwa to get hurt and it is his fault. 

Seonghwa tries to start talking again because it’s clear that Yeosang won’t,  _ can’t. _ “And I-” He breaks again, violent sobs rack his body. 

“And, I just, I missed you so much Yeosang, I thought I was going to go fucking insane.” Seonghwa’s forces out between his cries. 

“I missed you too.” Yeosang echoes without a moment’s hesitation. 

“Then why did you leave? Why did you not come back?” Seonghwa sounds so angry and yet sad. 

Desperate. 

He sounds desperate for any sort of an answer that can give him some sort of closure. Seonghwa knows Yeosang inside out,  _ knew _ him inside out. Now Yeosang knows he feels like he doesn't, at least not anymore. 

How does Yeosang even get around to answering that? Because he was a coward and a moron? Because he was mistakenly trying to move on? That said moving on didn’t really work? What can he say?

“I… I was mistaken. I didn’t- I made some wrong assumptions and I-” He tries but Seonghwa just looks more pissed and cuts him off mid sentence. 

“And you ran? God Yeosang couldn’t you have just come to me? Do you not have any faith in me?” Yeosang bites his lip trying not to start outright sobbing again, so hard that he can taste blood. 

“It’s not that hyung.”

“Then what is it?” Seonghwa all but yells. Yeosang is a little scared now. Seonghwa’s eyes are red and his fingers which were fisted in the blanket have torn through it and are digging into his hands. His scent smells sharp and tangy and overpowers Yeosang’s sensitive senses.

“I went crazy looking for a reason, after you left. I asked myself ‘why’ so many times, why would the one I love so much leave without even leaving as less as a note? Not even a goodbye? You didn’t even, you hadn’t even told me a goodnight that day. What did I do that was so wrong that you couldn’t come up to me?” Tears fall from his eyes and Yeosang traces their path to the blanket. Seonghwa closes his eyes and just tries to breathe, and Yeosang wonders how to tell him the reason. 

“No that’s not it, I do know what I did wrong.” Yeosang looks at Seonghwa in alarm. How would seonghwa know without Yeosang ever telling him anything? 

“I talked to Hongjoong after I woke up.” Oh, so that’s how.

“So you know…” Yeosang trails off, not knowing how much Hongjoong spilled to Seonghwa, that traitor. 

“Everything. I know everything you told Hongjoong.” Seonghwa can still complete his sentences it seems even after all this.

“Oh… do you know everything he told me?” 

“Perhaps not everything he told you, but possibly everything you told him.” Seonghwa answers.

Yeosang thinks of his confession of his feelings for Hongjoong. Well, perhaps not everything that Yeosang told Hongjoong, some things are best kept between them for now and he knows(well...hopes) Hongjoong has not talked to Seonghwa about Yeosang’s half asleep confession of his feelings for the red head. 

“Yeosang I’m so disappointed, in both you and me. I don’t know how to fix this, how to fix us. And you know that if it was anyone else, I would have let them go. But the sad thing is, I still love you. I wanted to hate you for so long for leaving me like that, for leaving all of us in so much pain… but I realized, I just can’t. No matter how much I tried or wanted, I still love you.” Seonghwa’s eyes look sadly at the comforter, tears tracks drying on his cheeks. 

Yeosang wants to say something. Anything would be better than to stay quiet, but then again? Would it be? It would be all that Seonghwa has already heard before. No matter what Seonghwa may think about him, Yeosang is still the same as before, and Seonghwa still has the ability to read him inside out. He probably knows everything that Yeosang is thinking at the moment. It would be good if Yeosang said something but even if he didn’t Seonghwa would be able to guess what he wanted to say and wanted to convey. He tries nevertheless. 

“I am sorry hyung. I know I messed up, I knew it since the moment I ran. But I didn’t.. I didn’t know how to come back, how to face you and the others. I missed you so much. I hated being without you, but I thought.. That maybe you thought I was dead. And you would have already…”   
  


“Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence.” Yeosang stares pained at a furious Seonghwa. Seonghwa looks at him in part disbelief, part anger and tears are welling up in his eyes again. 

Yeosang blinks the tears from his eyes, pained. 

“I don’t ever want to think about it again, the possibility that you were.. Gone forever. I don’t want to hear it from you either, or anyone else for that matter. Let’s..let’s leave it in the past where it belongs.” Seonghwa says, angrily but firmly. It’s what the coven has dubbed the ‘leader voice’, the one he uses in big meetings of covens, the one he uses to deal with authorities, one which he barely ever uses at home. Yeosang doesn’t like it being used with him but he stays silent, it’s not within his rights to complain now. He does realize that this means that Seonghwa is very upset, a sort of upset which has him adopting a defensive tactic in the form of his leader voice. His scent too gives away his disturbance and agitation, fluctuating and dropping, trying to find a balance. 

Yeosang quickly scrambles to comfort him. “I promise I won’t die, and we never need to talk about it, it’s okay.” 

“You may not die, but what’s the guarantee you won’t run again?” Seonghwa has a pained smile on his face. 

No matter what he tries to tell him now, it will all be empty words. Yeosang doesn’t know how to fix this, how to reassure Seonghwa that the first time will be his last time. The longer he spends in the painfully familiar room, surrounded with painfully familiar scents; the longer he spends at home, he never again wants to leave. There’s nothing that can assure Seonghwa, because there’s no more trust between. Something so beautifully and carefully crafted between them by years and years of love and communication. is now turned to dust by just one thoughtless action. It’s bittersweet to be here at a crossroad where perhaps neither can decide on an appropriate course of action for their relationship. Love isn’t the only thing that holds up a relationship, trust is the other pillar of every healthy relationship too, and Yeosang understands the meaning of it far too well but far too late. 

The silence stretches once again, silence which once was always comfortable; now tense and unsure. Yeosang wonders if it all comes down to this. It seems impossible to work this out, the wound is too big to fix. 

He knows what Seonghwa will say next as he watches Seonghwa steel himself; posture tenser, scent more firm and conviction written across his face. The pain in his eyes, he does nothing to hide it. 

In that moment Yeosang sees Hongjoong with all his firmness and confidence, see’s Hongjoong in the shadows of Seonghwa and it’s a reminder that Hongjoong has always fit better next to Seonghwa. They’re alike in more ways than they realise.. No, that isn’t true. They’re different, so obviously distinct but like pieces of a puzzle, they fit together. In the shadows of Seonghwa lives Hongjoong and in the shadows of Hongjoong lives Seonghwa. 

No matter how much he loves them both he can never be together with them, he;s hurt both of them far too much. Perhaps one day he will have to leave again, and perhaps then it will be a goodbye more than slinking away in the night.

“Yeosang.” His voice is steel, but the pain isn’t masked. 

“Yes.” He doesn’t want to hear it but he has to.   
  


“Let’s break up.” 

He’s heard Seonghwa say it in his head a million times, has been expecting this, almost waiting for it, and yet when it’s said out loud it’s like an arrow to his chest, like someone has cruelly removed his heart from his chest and crushed it as he watched. It’s three words the Yeosang of the past had never thought he would hear. 

“And let’s try again.”

Yeosang’s thoughts come to a screeching halt.    
  
“Try.. again?” He says in disbelief. “What do you mean try again?”

“I mean exactly what I said Yeosang.” The words are confident but spoken softly, as if trying to not spook him. 

For a moment Yeosang just blinks at Seonghwa in surprise. 

“You want to try with me again? After everything I did?” Yeosang asks again, just to make sure. 

  
Seonghwa sighs. “Yes, I do wish to try again with you Yeosang.”

Yeosang feels like he’s being toyed with, but Seonghwa wouldn’t do that, not to him(hopefully). It’s hard to believe that Seonghwa would want to do anything with him but he feels something in him, a feeling that’s.. Different and yet familiar. It’s hope, he realizes with a start. It’s not his hope, but Seonghwa’s.  _ The soulbond  _ his brain helpfully supplies. Yeosang hasn’t consciously ever felt Seonghwa’s emotions, and has never been aware that he can sense them to pick them apart from his own. Now that he is able to, despite the fractured bond, it’s enough to make him cry once again. 

“Why? Why do you want to?” He says between tears, voice broken and small. “Why do you hope to be with me even after everything? Why, Seonghwa, why?” 

“Oh Yeosang.” Warm hands cup his face and delicately thumb off his tears. It doesn’t register in his head for a moment what is going on, but then he freezes in shock. Seonghwa’s hands are warm which is strange but it’s not why he freezes. Seonghwa is touching him. Oh my god Seonghwa is touching him. His eyes, wide with surprise, stare fixedly at Seonghwa who chuckles.

Then, tentatively and slowly, he brings his hands to wrap around Seonghwa’s wrists. Hongjoong is right, Seonghwa is sicker than Yeosang. He’s paler than Yeosang, a deathly pallid complexion, and the usual raw power that Yeosang could feel every time he touched him is missing. The soulbond sings between them and for the first time since he has been dropped off in the room, their scents are not bitter and clashing, but mellow and sweeter. Despite the obvious lack of strength, Seonghwa’s eyes shine with hope and love. They’re so honest; have always been honest around Yeosang and the coven. Seonghwa had once told that he had nothing to hide around them and he always was willing to bare his soul if they asked. Yeosang squeezes his wrist harder; he has missed Seonghwa’s touches. It’s just as delicate and safe to be around him no matter how bad things are between them right now. 

The moment is broken between them when Yeosang realizes that and flinches, hands loosening around Seonghwa’s wrists. Seonghwa pulls away his hands as if burned.

“Do you not want this?” Seonghwa sounds in a strange tone that Yeosang can’t recognize. 

Yeosang shakes his head. “Thats.. That’s not what- I mean i do. I do want this, more than you can imagine.”

“Then?” 

“It’s just.. I have hurt you so much. I have hurt everyone in the coven so much. What about that? This isn’t about me. It;s about you and everyone else. How can you even want to try with me again despite what I did? I don’t deserve that. You deserve better than that.”

“Yeosang.”   
  
Yeosang bites “And.. and.. What about Hongjoong?”

Seonghwa looks puzzled for a moment. “Why?”

“Don’t you want to be with him too? Don’t you… love him too?” 

Seonghwa looks at him conflicted. There’s silence again and Yeosang knows he should have waited perhaps for another time to ask this and yet he did. Seonghwa gives him a small, sad smile. He gently holds Yeosang’s hands in his and this thumbs shakily runs over his knuckles, once. Twice. Thrice. It’s something Seonghwa used to do often to ground himself. He loved to hold hands, not as much as wooyoung or san do, but everytime he was nervous regarding something he would hold Yeosang’s hands and run his thumbs over his knuckles, or just squeeze. It was the small things that always meant the most to Yeosang. It feels like it’s not fair. Seonghwa should have someone he trusts by his side to take comfort from not him, a betrayer and a traitor. Confusion, a foreign confusion spreads in him; Seonghwa’s confusion.

“Then. What about you?” He whispers. 

“Forget about me. Forget me entirely hyung. I will repent and pay for all my careless actions and crimes. You.. you and hongjoong deserve be to together and happy.” Yeosang feels distressed. He doesn’t know why he just doesn’t selfishly take Seonghwa’s offer, but it just.. Feels too easy. Seonghwa does have it in him to be mean to people who have hurt him and his loved ones, have it in him to hurt those who pissed him off and yet he’s letting Yeosang off so easy? It doesn’t sit right with him.

“Yeosang. I-”

“Don’t lie to me.” He twists his hands in Seonghwa’s grip and interlaces their fingers. tight. “Please. I know I hurt you. I know. I know you hyung. Why are you letting me off easy? Why aren’t you yelling at me, why aren’t you being mean to me?”

“I do. I do wish to be mean and to make you hurt the way you made me hurt. I did for the longest time. But honestly, seeing you here, sitting next to me again made me forget all of that. Just seeing you home, smelling your scent again made me forget all of that. I just.. Want to be with you again. I fucked up too in some places, i didn’t properly acknowledge your feelings as well back then. It wasn’t just you. I want to try again, i want us to go back to who we were. I still love you Yeosang. And as for Hongjoong…” He hesitates.

“You still love him don’t you? Tell me truthfully hyung, it’s okay.” Yeosang murmurs.

Seonghwa nods with a small laugh. “He’s just..”

“He’s Hongjoong.” Yeosang agrees, looking to the side, too embarassed to meet Seonghwa’s eyes. The mahogany table is very pretty and decorated the same way he had last seen it, before he had run. “It’s hard not to fall for him no matter how much you hate him.”

Seonghwa gasps. “Yeosang. Oh Yeosang. You too?” Yeosang knows there is a smile on his face even without looking at him. He just squeezes Seonghwa’s hands embarrassed. If he was still a human, there would be a light flush on his face giving him away.

“How about all of three of us? If you’re willing to give Hongjoong a chance?” Seonghwa asks excitedly.

“Hyung, I…” Yeosang wants to say he doesn’t mind, that he's a little in love with Hongjoong too, but it feels like betrayal. It feels wrong. He doesn’t know why, it’s another thing left to ruminate on later, but he just doesn't want to admit it

.

“Yeosang?” Seonghwa gently questions. When he realises that Yeosang is not willing to talk further he sighs.

“It’s okay. If you like him.. Or even if you are in love with him, it’s alright. We can - Well we do need to talk about so many things later. I’m not asking to blindly restart our relationship by forgetting everything that happened between us. We have a whole soul bon between us! Isn’t that simply magical?” He sounds awed and Yeosang echoes the sentiment. Their soul bond is rare and precious and it still takes yeosang by surprise when he is reminded of it. 

“Someone out there, some higher power believed in us enough to bless us with a soul bond Yeosang. I think.. I think that is a sign. Let's try again. We will have to talk a lot regarding all that happened but I know, that if we try we will one day be able to return to what we were once before. Or no,” Seonghwa shakes his head, “that is wrong. We won’t ever return to what we were before. We will have something new, with each other and with Hongjoong. If you are willing to try, we can do this.” He sounds so confident in them all and some of it seeps into their bond. Yeosang is just about ready to say yes, but he still needs a confirmation

“Hyung, if I say no, will you date Hongjoong?”

Seonghwa’s brows furrow in contemplation, “I.. I don’t know. To me, you both have always been together. I never imagined my life without either of you not in it. However if you do not wish to be with me.. With us, then I will not force you to be.”

  
  
Yeosang laughs, “I do. I do with all I have in me. I just feel like I don't deserve it hyung. I hurt you all too much to be given a second chance.”

“Yeosang.. You do deserve it. You got hurt as much as we did, I know you. I know you repented it. I know you still will. No matter what answer you give me, I know that I will forgive you one day.So, let’s give it a try okay?”

Yeosang nods, then breaks. Seonghwa is too kind, always too kind and sweet even to those who don’t deserve it. Even when he doesn’t deserve it, everytime he messes up, Seonghwa has always been forgiving and patient with him. Seonghwa just squeezes his hands tighter, and the flame of hope that he felt is stronger now. It makes him think that everything will be alright, they will all turn out alright in the end. There is a lot of work, there’s going to be a lot of talks and a lot of trials that Yeosang will have to face, but just the knowledge that while he goes through them, he will have Seonghwa by his side(and even Hongjoong) is enough to make him feel that he can take all of them on confidently. 

He cries ugly tears, and Seonghwa just tuts and sushes him, hands pulling him into a familiar chest to comfort. A familiar scent envelopes him, calm and composed at the end of tumultuous night. It serves to make Yeosang feel safe, but also makes him cry more. There’s no heartbeat that he can listen to, but there is the gentle beating of the soul bond, it’s already healing and Yeosang thinks that everything will be alright.

He’s finally safe. He’s finally home. 

**Author's Note:**

> YOU MADE IT HERE???? wow im proud of you. if you noticed any errors, uh, pls do feel free to point them out. I am sorta proud of this baby though. I started writing this like, feb, and here we are in june. but hey, atleast i finished with my highest wordcount ever!! I also hoped you either cried or atleast got BIG SAD. thank you to koa, azu, grace and angel for reading this fic and giving feeback. thank you azu for helping me with the charcaterizations and plots and listen to me rant about this ily a lot[big smooch]. thank you to wls to listen to me rant about this fic over and over and indugle my silly grammar questions. 
> 
> if you wanna find me im on twt @ddeongsangie, (if you know my nsfw, hit me up there i don't mind). that is all. see you next fic. I have some ideas for the future of this fic so i may write a sequel or maybe not. i don't know.


End file.
